I'll be here all week

I don't think it could ever be said that I don't know how to treat myself right. Let the four-day weekend I just gave myself prove that point. And the spa day. And the ice blended mocha, fer Pete's sake.

While my 60-something spa attendant massaged my temples with some divine smelling potion, the topic of marital status came up. She told me she'd been married and divorced twice.

She sounded content about it, so I asked her, "Are you fine with being single?"

"Oh, yes," she murmured. "Sometimes, I think it would be great to meet a nice man, but then I think about having to make dinner and all the other stuff that goes with it and realize I'm better off on my own."

Heard that.

Which reminds me of an exercise we had to do in improv class last week. The teacher made us get up one at a time and then he'd give us a topic that was usually perceived as a negative thing. We'd have to do a few minutes on why it was super-awesome and stuff.

My topic: men who can't commit. At first my mind was blank, but then I went with it and started ranting about how bo-ring it would be to have a dependable guy at home every night helping feed the kids and pay the mortgage. At that point, I yawned. Now how exciting was it, I continued, to wonder what the coming weekend could possibly hold?! Not knowing if you'd get to have a nice dinner out or would be forced to nosh on the granola bar stuck in your car's glove compartment? How thrilling it would be to date a man who won't return your phone calls, giving you a night's worth of food for thought: Where is he? Is he with another woman? Is she blonde? Is she skinny? I mean, get a bottle of wine and you've got yourself a night's worth of entertainment. Who wants to be 60 with the same old guy in the rocker next to you night after night? Wouldn't you rather be out on the town playing bingo at the senior hall and playing bingo with your life, wondering who you're going home with? Exactly.

The bit was well-received and a couple of people in class said I should take my act on the road. So let me prep by reminding you to tip your waitresses.