I promise you a turkey in every pot and a diamond on every middle finger.

As my Happy Thanksgiving present to you, I present a diamond. A diamond of a slightly rude, partly crude and decidedly not for prudes essay by the hilarious Ms. Jill Soloway. It's a piece she wrote about why she hates diamonds and it's rated M for mordantly funny and mildly blue. Not to brag, but I got to see her read it live. Pissed has never looked so pretty. Proceed with caution, both here and at the holiday buffet.