How to tell a foul apart from a felony:
It would be hard to find a person who is less into sports news than me, but hearing that Kobe got suspended from two games for elbowing an opponent in the throat during play has confirmed my opinion of him. I don't think he's a rapist, but I know he's an asshole.
How to tell it's January:
All the magazines are thinner and everyone else wants to be.