Wednesday, May 10, 2006

We're here, we're queer, but don't pay us no never mind

One of the refrains excusing unethical behavior in the satirical film Thank You for Smoking is: "Everyone's got a mortgage." Basically, the reasoning is that a person will be willing to bottom out politically, ethically and morally if it means his or her bottom line gets lined with bling.

Evidently, conservative lesbians have mortgages, too, as evidenced by Vice-President Dick Cheney's daughter Mary's new book in which she explains why she continued to work for an administration with an anti-gay agenda.

This Vancouver Sun article does a nice job holding a mirror up to the hypocrisy. Below are some quotes from the article, along with sarcastic asides supplied by moi.

"In a memoir published Tuesday, the 37-year-old lesbian describes a proposed constitutional ban on same-sex marriage as a 'gross affront' to gay Americans and reveals she almost quit the Republican campaign after President George W. Bush's endorsement of the legislation two years ago."

Almost quit. Almost. My gosh, almost quitting must have been so hard on her. What did it feel like to almost get a cardboard box to pack up her executive desk toys, tucking them alongside her titanium Starbucks commuter flask and velveteen lumbar pillow within the confines of her corrugated square of protest? Almost is sooooo not acutally, though. So not actually.

"But in her book, Cheney reveals she refused to attend Bush's 2004 State of the Union address after reading a draft copy of the speech that spoke of the need to defend the sanctity of marriage."

Oh, honey. What sacrifice! That empty seat at the address venue must've spoken volumes to those assembled. Much more so than the fact your derriere was in your office chair the rest of that week and weeks to follow.

"When Bush later endorsed a constitutional amendment to expressly forbid gay marriage, Cheney 'seriously considered packing up my office and heading home' to the house she shared in Colorado with her longtime partner, Heather Poe."

Seriously considered? Seriously?! Holy dermatologists! I can't imagine the endless Botox treatments that will be required to plump out the forehead creases that that serious consideration caused. Ahh, the ever-lovin' humanity of it all.

"It 'gave me a knot in the pit of my stomach to think of my candidate for president endorsing the federal marriage amendment,' she writes."

Plop, plop, fizz, fizz and a hearty huzzah for altruism via indigestion. Noble, indeed. Completely ineffective, but noble.

Sorry, ChenChen. I have to concur with Mr. Aravosis on this one:

"'She is a little late to the party,' said John Aravosis, a Washington gay-rights activist and political blogger. 'For the longest time, Mary wouldn't speak. Now she gets a million-dollar book advance and suddenly she is speaking. It rings a little hollow.'"

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