Gosh darnit, if this year's Academy Awards show wasn't the most polite ever. Her nominated-by-proxy Royal Highness, the Queen of England, seemed to have set the tone for the ceremony in a civilized trickle-down fashion. Even the dresses were demure. Nicole Kidman was neatly tucked inside a red bow, Cameron Diaz was hiding behind a Jetson-like outcropping and J-Lo was postively dowager-esque.
Ellen's monologue was as disarmingly squirmy and sweetly obliging as a serving of Jello brand gelatin. About the meanest she got was accusing Dame Judi Dench of getting "work done." But that was balanced out by Jack Black and Will Farrell singing about Helen Mirren's hotness (no menopausal joke intended). Speaking of heat, the future of the globe was even given a heart-warming Oscar nod.
Respect was shown to elders like Arkin and Scorsese. Children were allowed to be seen and heard, and, even-handedly enough, their presenter banter was just as poorly written as their adult counterparts'. Even the awards were spread out with egalitarian practicality--no greedy sweep in sight.
What happened to the moral cesspool? The liberal posturing? The plunging necklines? Geez, Hollywood. You've gone soft on us. Give me a "P." Give me a "G." Hooray for Dullywood?!
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